Ever wondered what kind of Pothos you’d be if you were a houseplant? No? Well, you’re about to find out anyway.
Whether you’re a lazy leaf-lover or a hardcore humidity hog, there’s a Pothos variety out there vibing on your frequency. Take this ridiculous-but-accurate (yes, we’re serious-ish) Pothos Personality Test to find your green alter ego. Because self-awareness is important. Even when it involves vines.
🌿 Wait… What’s a Pothos Again?
Let’s do a quick recap for the confused Googlers.
Pothos (Epipremnum aureum) is basically the potato chip of the plant world—you can’t have just one. It’s low-maintenance, air-purifying, trailing beautifully off shelves, and comes in dramatic shades from moody greens to highlighter yellow.
Also known as Devil’s Ivy, this plant is too stubborn to die and too pretty to ignore.
🌱 Meet the Pothos Cast
Before you find out who you are, let’s introduce the contestants:
| Pothos Variety | Defining Trait | Vibe Check |
|---|---|---|
| Golden Pothos | Classic. Reliable. Timeless. | Your favorite hoodie. |
| Marble Queen | Variegated royalty | Blonde, but smarter. |
| Neon Pothos | Bright yellow-green | The extrovert who wakes up at 6AM. |
| Jade Pothos | Solid green & chill | Probably into lo-fi beats. |
| Manjula Pothos | Curly, artsy foliage | Quirky art student energy. |
| N’Joy Pothos | Crisp white & green | Type-A planner with perfect bullet journal. |
| Cebu Blue | Silvery-blue leaves | Mysterious. Reads poetry unironically. |
🔮 The Quiz: What Pothos Are You?
Answer these questions, tally up your points, and prepare for your houseplant horoscope.
1. It’s Sunday morning. What are you doing?
A. Making dalgona coffee for the ‘Gram (1 pt)
B. Still asleep. Don’t talk to me. (2 pts)
C. Reorganizing your closet by color code (3 pts)
D. Outside hiking because “fresh air is medicine” (4 pts)
E. Watering your plants and giving them pep talks (5 pts)
F. Painting a watercolor sunset for your Etsy shop (6 pts)
G. Writing existential poetry in your notes app (7 pts)
2. Pick a color palette:
A. Green, green, and slightly different green (2 pts)
B. Blinding neon yellow and lime (5 pts)
C. Icy white and sage (3 pts)
D. Soft pastels with silver shimmer (7 pts)
E. Beige and warm neutrals (1 pt)
F. High-contrast marbled chaos (6 pts)
G. Monochrome with moody undertones (4 pts)
3. Your group project role is:
A. The do-everything perfectionist (3 pts)
B. The low-key leader who “doesn’t want the spotlight” (1 pt)
C. The one who brings snacks (2 pts)
D. The last-minute miracle worker (5 pts)
E. The artsy one designing the PowerPoint (6 pts)
F. The ghost who shows up on final day (4 pts)
G. The one who critiques everyone else but contributes 0 slides (7 pts)
4. Which pet speaks to your soul?
A. Golden Retriever (2 pts)
B. Siamese Cat (3 pts)
C. Parrot that won’t shut up (5 pts)
D. Snake (7 pts)
E. A fish named “Lord Bubbles III” (6 pts)
F. Rabbit with anxiety (4 pts)
G. You are the pet (1 pt)
5. You walk into a room full of plants. What’s your first instinct?
A. “OMG I need to take a photo for Pinterest.” (5 pts)
B. “Which ones are easiest to keep alive?” (1 pt)
C. “I must adopt them all and name them after celebrities.” (6 pts)
D. “Are any of these rare?” (7 pts)
E. “Can I make a propagation station?” (3 pts)
F. “Let’s rearrange the lighting. Feng shui matters.” (4 pts)
G. “Does any of this come with coffee?” (2 pts)
🧮 Total Your Points!
Done? Great. Now scroll to find your leafy soulmate.
🌟 Your Pothos Personality Revealed
5–9 Points: Golden Pothos
You’re reliable, friendly, and basically the human equivalent of a cozy sweatshirt. Everyone loves you—even the ones who pretend they don’t like plants. You’re a true classic and will probably live forever.
🛒 Shop Your Match: Golden Pothos Starter Pot
🟢 Low light? Overwatering? You’ll still thrive.
10–14 Points: Jade Pothos
You’re chill AF and enjoy the simple pleasures: music, naps, and snacks. Minimalist in life, maximalist in comfort. You’re the go-to friend for advice and memes.
🛒 Shop Your Match: Jade Pothos – Low Maintenance Bundle
🟢 Perfect for bathroom shelves and mellow humans.
15–19 Points: N’Joy Pothos
You’re the planner friend with color-coded Google Calendars and a love for everything clean, neat, and beautiful. You’re 50% aesthetic, 50% caffeine.
🛒 Shop Your Match: N’Joy & Accessories Set (Includes Self-Watering Pot!)
🟢 Also, your bullet journal is jealous of you.
20–24 Points: Neon Pothos
You light up every room you enter—literally and metaphorically. You’re a walking serotonin boost and probably know 4 TikTok dances. You’re bold, bright, and a little chaotic. We love it.
🛒 Shop Your Match: Neon Rebel Kit 🌟
🟢 Includes survival guide for high-energy plant parents.
25–29 Points: Manjula Pothos
Whimsical. Spirited. Unique. You’re that art-kid friend who wears mismatched socks on purpose and knows how to make banana bread taste like therapy.
🛒 Shop Your Match: Manjula Pothos + Curl Enhancer Fertilizer
🟢 Warning: May start conversations with strangers.
30–34 Points: Cebu Blue Pothos
You’re deep, mysterious, and probably carry a leather-bound notebook for “thoughts.” You like niche music genres and spend your weekends trying to make the perfect cup of coffee.
🛒 Shop Your Match: Cebu Blue Rare Find 🌑
🟢 Add moody lighting and a typewriter for full effect.
35+ Points: Marble Queen
You’re drama, beauty, and brains all rolled into one lush trailing vine. You’re not just extra, you’re the main character in the garden. You have a Pinterest board titled “Queen Vibes Only” and you mean it.
🛒 Shop Your Match: Marble Queen Throne Combo
🟢 Free crown not included, but deserved.
📌 Final Thoughts: You Can Be More Than One Pothos
Let’s face it—you’re probably a Golden-Jade hybrid with a touch of Cebu mystery and Neon chaos. That’s okay. You’re human. You’re complex. You’re…a walking pothos shelf.
🌱 Shop Your Personality
Find your match and shop curated pothos collections based on your result:
🛒 [Get Your Match Button – SHOP NOW]
✨ Includes: Pot, care instructions, and bonus points if you name it something punny like “Leaf Erikson.”